Welcome to the 13 Days of Halloween
Forget the candy and hearts, the roses of red. Sharpen the knives and polish the chains, make it a bloody Valentine’s Day instead! Mwuahahahaha!!! Anywho, this post is dedicated to those of you who throw up a little with all of the gooshy sentiment this day brings. I’m not going to rail against this holiday with any anti-Valentine’s Day or cupid should die, kinda shizz. Instead, I’m turning Valentine’s Day into a second Halloween. This year’s theme: zombie love. Here’s how to have a bloody good Valen–err–second Halloween day.
In this post
- song of the day
Song of the Day
I was super skeptical about this movie when it first came out but gave it a look-see anyway. I liked the plotline in this one. It was both interesting and terrifying. I say terrifying because if you put yourself in the zombie boyfriend’s shoes, that would be a freaktacular shit show! I dig it–watch it.
Seriously, does this movie ever get old? Andrew Lowery plays the bungling woo-er and has me crackin’ up through the whole movie. And how ’bout Matthew McConaughy as “guy #2”? LOL–you’ve come a long way, bruh! Oh, and let’s not forget Philip Seymour Hoffman’s portrayal of Chuck . . . good times.
What’s on the menu
- scrambled brains
- boyfriend/girlfriend candy
- human hearts
- bloody mary
- blood orange mimosa
So you know how you make green eggs for Green Eggs and Ham? If not, click here because you will make the green eggs portion of this recipe but substitute the blue food coloring with red food coloring paste. I say paste because it holds up against the yellow scrambled eggs and gives you a truer red.
This recipe is actually called Sriracha Spiced Bacon, but for all intents and purposes, I’m calling it Candied Boyfriend/Girlfriend. The original recipe for this bit of yumminess can be found here.
- 1 lb thick cut bacon
- 1 cup brown sugar
- 1 Tbl plus 1-2 tsp Sriracha Chili sauce *the extra tsp is optional as it depends on your spice level tolerance
- 1/4 tsp cinnamon
- 1 tsp water (optional)
- Preheat oven to 400 F.
- Combine brown sugar, Sriracha sauce and cinnamon in a bowl.
- Line a rimmed baking sheet with aluminum foil.
- Place a wire cooling rack on top.
- Spray the rack with cooking spray.
- Place the pieces of bacon on top of the rack trying not to overlap.
- Microwave the spice mixture for 15-20 seconds until it’s spreadable.
- Spoon or brush the mixture on top of the bacon.
- Place in oven and cook for 13 minutes.
- Remove from the oven and flip the bacon.
- Reheat the spice mixture. If necessary add the water to help make it spreadable.
- Spoon or brush the mixture on top of the bacon
- Return to the oven and cook for 13 minutes.
- If the bacon is not crispy enough (remember it’ll crisp up as it cools), flip the bacon over, spoon any remaining spice mixture and bake for a few more minutes. OR you can broil for 1 minute each side but watch as this will burn.
- Remove from the oven, allow to cool 1 minute on the rack and then using cooking tongs, remove the bacon from the rack and plate.
Winner, winner, eyeball dinner. These eyeball donut holes are another example of ocular cuisine at its finest. Yummy!!
These little beauts are a visual masterpiece if you’re looking for something that resembles a heart . . . in my opinion. I stumbled across this vision of yum at Popsugar. What I’m calling Human Hearts are actually Red Velvet Croissants that can be purchased from Union Fare in New York city. The following recipe is my version of their creation.
The secret is in the syrup . . . the original Red Velvet Cake Syrup recipe can be found here. I love this recipe; it’s such a great way to add that authentic taste to a lot of different recipes. Add a sploosh of it to your croissant recipe (adjust flour to accommodate) and drizzle the shit out of those croissants once cooled.
Red Velvet Cake Syrup
- 1 cup buttermilk (or 1 cup soy/rice milk + 1 T vinegar for 5 minutes)
- 1/2 cup sugar
- 4 T cocoa powder
- 3 tsp vinegar
- 1 tsp vanilla
- Red food coloring to your desired color
- 1 tsp vinegar + 1 tsp baking soda
- 2T cheesecake powdered pudding
- 1 T red food coloring paste
- Combine buttermilk, sugar, cocoa, 3 tsp vinegar, vanilla, and food coloring.
- Cook using a whisk to mix well.
- Take off heat and in a separate bowl mix the vinegar and baking soda and stir well and add to mix. The mix will foam and then you can add the cheesecake powder.
When adding the syrup, I can’t really say how much to increase the flour; it isn’t much. I just add enough to get it back up to its original consistency–you get me?
The Red Velvet Croissants also have Red Velvet Cake crumbled over it. This, I will say, is optional and up to you. If you decide to crumble the cake, use the recipe/box mix/store bought version of your choice. These croissants are some work (and you need to start the dough the day before you plan to consume), but holy heartbreakers, they are worth it!
Anyone who loves a good Bloody Mary has their own process of making the perfect Bloody Mary. Here’s one variation that I think is pretty tasty. Original recipe found here.
- 8 ounces Spicy Hot V-8 juice regular V-8 juice can be used
- 2 ounces Vodka
- 1 teaspoon horseradish
- 1 teaspoon olive juice
- 1 teaspoon lime juice
- 1/2 teaspoon A-1 Sauce
- 1/8 teaspoon celery salt
- 4 dashes hot sauce
- 2 dashes Worcestershire sauce
- pepper, to taste
- ice cubes
To Garnish the Glass
- 1 lime wedge
- 1/8 teaspoon celery salt
- 1/8 teaspoon Kosher salt
To garnish the drink
- celery stick
- green olives
To prepare the glass, on a small plate, combine the celery salt and Kosher salt.
Use the lime wedge to moisten the glass rim. Then roll the rim in the salt combination. Set glass aside to make your Bloody Mary cocktail.
In a cocktail shaker, combine the spicy V-8 juice, vodka, horseradish, olive juice, lime juice, A-1 sauce, celery salt, hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, pepper, and ice cubes.
Put shaker top on and shake about 4 times to combine ingredients.
Pour into glass and garnish with the celery stack, olives, and any other garnish you choose
Blood Orange Mimosa
As shocking as it may seem, some people don’t enjoy a Bloody Mary. For those you love enough to keep in your life in spite of this fact, make some Blood Orange Mimosas instead.
This one is simple enough:
champagne of choice, blood orange juice of choice, mix to desired potency
Until next time . . .