Welcome to the 13 Days of Halloween
Welcome to the new year, when thoughts of a “new you” are at the forefront of our minds as consumerism herds us toward reinvention and reshaping. Every new year people turn retrospective and examine their life choices. They vow to: Get healthy! Get organized! Make more money! Become more confident! Get sexy af! Get better at Mario Kart Double Dash so that the next time your cocky kids come over to play you destroy them all . . . one . . . by . . . one. Oh–uh–just me on that last one? OK . . . soooo . . . anywho . . . as we near the end of January, my question is this: how many of you have already stopped and started your resolutions over a couple of times–or–simply stopped altogether? I’m betting a lot of you, but hey, don’t beat yourself up over it. Spoiler alert: more people fail to stick to their resolutions than not. Yeah, sad but true, dudes.
A fuckin’ shame is what it is, Tom. (God, you’re hot.) Take me for example, one of my resolutions was to stop procrastinating. As you can see by the lateness of this New Year’s post, I pretty much failed right outta the gate. So, really, all these failed resolutions not only don’t reveal the new and improved “you” but they more than likely compound the shit factor you were already boo-hooing over. Did you know there are even resolution lists on how to successfully achieve your resolution? I mean, really?! To quote Phoebe Buffay: “STOP THE MADNESS!!” Let’s break the cycle. Let’s kick the crutch out from under our crippled resolve, and stop taking ourselves so damn seriously! Here’s what I propose: let’s resolve to get in touch with our creepy sides. And don’t try to seem confused or shocked by my suggestion. My guess is that if you found your way to my little Halloween blog, you’ve already met your creepy side–maybe even shook hands or exchanged emails. Whatevs. You know it’s there, so let’s make it pretty so it can come out in public once in a while. For example, if someone complains to you that they just can’t seem to make a great tasting edible blood–you’ll now know how. Also, if someone is looking for a great horror movie suggestion–you’ll be able to tick a few titles off with confidence. Are ya with me? Are ya excited? Well then, let’s get started!!
In this post
- song of the day
- resolution list and links
- a libation
But first . . .
Song of the Day
Still my favorite album of his by far. Alrighty, now that yer blood’s pumpin’ are you ready to meet your creeper?
10 Ways to Achieve Your New levels of Creepiness
Get in shape: Speaking from personal experience, getting in shape is numero uno on a lot of people’s resolution list. So my question to you that made this New Year’s resolution a priority, how many are sticking to it? Bravo to those of you who are, and chin up to those of you that aren’t. For me, after a while, it gets boring or maybe even frustrating. How about you? Well, here’s my solution for sticking to it and keeping it real–kinda real–all while getting in touch with your creepy side. How to stake a vampire:
A very informative video on some basic vampire takedowns. And now, here’s a kick-ass Buffy slaying montage to inspire you:
Good times. Inspired to kick a little vampire ass? Here’s a chart to help you perfect your Buffy-kicking-ass-moves:
And here’s some workout music to keep you moving:
To listen to more of the Buffy soundtrack, click here.
Remember–let the stake be an extension of your hand (although I highly recommend not working out with the actual stake in your hand, if working out inside or with a group of slayers).
Start eating creepier food: When it comes to preparing creepy food, the presentation is just as important as taste. I mean, these things need to not only look creepy, but they also need to actually taste good too. In my personal experience, blood, eyeballs, and severed fingers are where it’s at. There is a large variety of both eyeball and severed finger recipes out there–dessert and appetizer included.
- Edible blood–Anyone who claims to know how to prepare and present creepy cuisine knows that a good edible blood recipe is essential. Here you’ll find 3 variations of how to make edible blood. My favorite is the first one that is made with corn syrup; it has the best consistency and taste. However, I’d like to add my own tried and true tips to help you get the most realistic looking blood. The recipe says to choose between flour, cornstarch, and chocolate syrup, but I find using a combination of flour and chocolate syrup works the best. Add the flour first then the chocolate syrup. This recipe also says that if the color is too pink or orange, add more red. Here’s the deal, anyone who’s worked with food coloring knows that if you use too much it tastes like the dye. Instead, add a little green, it helps to neutralize the brightness of the red.
- Eyeballs–In “Every Witch Way” I showed you how to whip up some eyeball subs, and they are y-u-m. They definitely make my top 5 for eyeball yumminess. Plus, I think the overall look of them is indeed creepy. Honorable mentions go to the eye of newt (these are my most requested form of eyeball–tasty) and guts and eyeballs.
- Severed fingers–I have found that the most popular course for these bits is dessert. In “Witchy Way” I made the green-almond-bark-covered-pretzel ones and they don’t disappoint on flavor or esthetics. If you want to check out another dessert severed finger and my favorite kind of finger sandwiches, head over here.
Read more: I don’t know about any of you but I’ve got a stack of books that I really want to read, and even more in my “save for later” cart on Amazon. What’s the old saying–“reading is food for the soul?” . . . “mind?” Anywho, it’s a damn fine way to expand your horizons and your vocabulary not to mention the entertainment value. Good Reads has an impressive list of creepy reads; here’s 3 I love:
- Frankenstein by Mary Shelley–In “Calling all the Monsters!“, I talk briefly about my admiration for Mary Shelley and her literary genius. To not know anything about this gothic thriller you’d have to be living under a rock, so at the risk of being presumptuous, I’m not going to spend a lot of time chatting up its content. Don’t try and cut corners by watching one of the numerous movie versions, either. The book is better; the book is always better.
- Coraline by Neil Gaiman–I don’t know about any of you but, for me, the “other mother” is as creepy as they come. And you know, this is one of those rare times when I loved the movie as much as the book. That’s probably because the movie was done by Tim Burton. So, yeah, I’m gonna suggest you read the book and then watch the movie–if you haven’t already, that is.
- It by Stephen King–you can’t have a convo about creepy books without saying Stephen King’s name. And although his list of creepy books is extensive, this one is #1 on my list. If you’ve ever read my “about the author” page, you’ll know why. EEP!!! I flatlined 3 times looking for a picture of that damn clown to link to. But, alas, my uncontrolled sobs of terror is a small price to pay for being able to bring you quality choices in which to make your informed decisions on.
Find a significant other: I’m not sure why but finding someone to love is big on the resolution list, so I found a couple of little YouTube montages to assist you in getting in touch with your creepy significant other side.
Vampires . . .
Witches . . .
Ghoul Power! Am I right? I totally am.
Learn how to dress with style: Everyone knows every closet should have a few timeless essentials to fall back on–the go-tos–the classics. A perfect example of this is the black, billowy cape. I know I often find myself simply wearing mine around the house, even if it’s just to do laundry or a little tidying up. Basically, whenever you’re in the mood to get in touch with your creepy side–throw it on. Here’s a great how-to so you can make your own:
Make it black, make it long, and make it out of just about any material you wish, and most important of all, make it creepy!
Pick up a fun hobby: My suggestion for picking a hobby that still lets you keep in touch with your creepy side is pumpkin carving. But sometimes I feel like pumpkin carving is a lost art form, especially when I see Halloween pumpkins decorated like this or like this. Knock it off! These aren’t even scary, dude. Stop trying to make Halloween cute. Do you even know the legend behind the Jack O’Lanterns and the purpose they served? No? Well then read here. Are ya feelin’ the creep factor now?? If so, here’s some cool (yet creepy) carving ideas:
This one is pretty self-explanatory (and badass) so no tutorial is included.
I love these creepy Black Cat O’Lanterns! Click here to find out how to make.
Here are some more really cool Jack O’Lantern ideas because, to me, it’s all in the grin . . . (the puking pumpkin face also works for a big pumpkin eating a little pumpkin.)
Adopt a cute pet: I know, you’re probably wondering how in the hell adopting a cute pet can help you get in touch with your creepy side. Wellemmetellya . . .
A cute lil poochie–Do they come any more loyal than Zero? He sticks by Jack Skellington’s side right through to the bitter, fiery end–the end of Jack playing Santa that is.
A black cat, or more–Take Emily Strange, for example, she loves black cats so much she has 4!
A little something for your aquarium. Hmmmm, what to get–what to get? For this one, I’ll turn to the son of the first family of creepy and kooky: Pugsley Addams. Pugsley has a–err–cute little octopus named Aristotle. There are several different species of octopus you can choose from, but dudes, just make sure you stay clear of the Blue-ringed octopus. They’re wicked poisonous, and in some cases, deadly. Oh, and did I mention there’s no antidote for their venom? Let me just say, you don’t have to go to this extreme level of creepiness. Get a Top Fin or Coconut octopus instead.
Travel more and see the world: I mean, who doesn’t want to travel more? Paris, Hawaii, Scotland–am I right? Well, you won’t find any of these destinations on my list! When exploring possible destination choices, a lot of people tune into the Travel Channel, and I was no different. The Travel Channel has a top 10 list of the most haunted places to visit. I pulled my 3 favorites from that list to share with you:
- Trans-Allegheny Lunatic Asylum is located in Weston, WV. So, it’s said that some of the ghosts haunting this asylum date all the way back to the Civil War era. I think that’s cool and all but, really, just the word “asylum” is enough to send a chill through me. Read about tour info here. Learn more about this creepy place here.
- Villisca Axe Murder House can be found in Villisca, Iowa and let’s just say “Axe Murder House” is not just a clever name. It’s a creepy, old, white house that was the scene of a grisly murder, back in 1912. Read about overnight stays and tours here. Read more about the murders and see pictures of the inside of the house from one of my favorite places–The Des Moines Register . . . well, the city is my favorite place to visit, not necessarily the paper.
- Eastern State Penitentiary is thought to be the creepiest place in Philadelphia, PA. This penitentiary was the first of its kind. Today, it is believed to be haunted by the spirits of tortured inmates including one “Slick Willie” Sutton. For more info on tours and the history of Eastern State click here.
Start expressing yourself artistically: I feel like anyone who has the ability to express themselves artistically is lucky. Yet, there are some out there who whine that they “can’t even draw a stick figure.” Well, no more! One of my suggestions for getting in touch with your creepy side is to learn how to draw Jack Skellington (one badass stick figure if you ask me). Click here to learn how to draw this . . .
Pretty cool, right? Well if you think that’s cool, then you’re going to love this–totally different but equally cool type of tutorial!
Clearly, this is a simplified version but, damn, what fun, huh?
For those of you who read music . . .
For those of you who want to sing along . . .
Face your fears and insecurities: And last, but certainly not least, be braver–be bolder! But how, you ask? I gotta couple of ideas:
Candy Man–While facing a mirror, say his name 5 times . . . and then run! Fast as you can because he’s kinda, sorta gonna kill you (the summoner).
Bloody Mary–In a dimly/candlelit room, say her name in a mirror 3 times and she’ll appear or you may see the face of your future husband or maybe even the grim reaper. It all depends on the variation of the legend you’re going with: historical (future husband, grim reaper) or current day (she’ll scream, curse, or strangle you, drinking your blood and stealing your soul or scratching your eyes out–you know, the usual malevolent apparition stuff. Either way, good feckin’ luck!!
For more ideas on how to face your fears and insecurities, click here . . . if you dare . . . and now this:
A drink to toast the New Year and New You
This drink recipe comes courtesy of the Jekyll and Hyde Club.
- 2 oz. light rum
- 1 oz. orange juice
- 2 oz. blackberry brandy
- 2 oz. strawberry puree
- 1 c. ice
- Pour all ingredients into a blender and blend until the drink has reached a smoothie-like consistency.
- Pour into a large glass and serve.
Jason’s coming for your soul, you better run and hide! Here’s looking forward to a great (and creepy) year.
Until next time . . .